More typos from online Blackadder transcripts, following on from this post. This time, ‘Major Star’. Pether is probably my favourite word. OED offers it as a historical variant spelling of pewter and pedder (i.e. pedlar), but not in the sense here.
Edmund: George, the day this war began I was cheezed off. Within ten minutes of you turning up, I finished the cheeze and moved on to the coffee and cigars. And at this late stage, I’m in a cab with two lady companions on my way to the Pink Pussycat in Lower Regency.
[Lower Regent Street]
Baldrick: No sir, I’ve been sopping the milk of freedom.
Baldrick: The Russian Revolution has started. The masses have risen up and shoveled their nobs!
[shot all their nobs]
George: Well, we soon sawed them off, didn’t we sir? Miserable slant-eye, sausage eating swine.
[saw them off]
George: I need that applause in the same way that a osler needs his osle.
[ostler / ostle]
Melchett: Ah, welcome to the great director, Miestrum.
Darling: Like a private hedge, sir.
Darling: You’ll have her coming out of your moustache for a week, sir.
[You’ll be combing women out of your moustache for weeks]
Melchett: I want to cover every inch of your gorgeous body in pether and sneeze all over you.
Darling: Well, it’s all so sudden, I mean the nest bit’s fine, but the pether business is definitely out!
Melchett: Honestly Darling, you really are the most graceless, dim-witted pumpkin I ever met.
Edmund: No, that old stoke Melchett tried for a snog behind the fruit cup.
Edmund: Well thank God the horny old blighthead didn’t ask you to marry him.
Edmund: Whereas on the other hand, of course, he’s going to give you the Victoria Cross when he lifts up your frock on the wedding night and finds himself looking at the blast turkey at the shop.
[last turkey in the shop]
Edmund: Yes, from Shaftsbury Avenue to the Co^te du Jour, they’ll be saying, ‘I like the little black one, but who’s that burkey sitting on it?’
[Côte d’Azur / who’s that berk he’s sitting on]
Edmund: Not at all Darling. Uh, care for a licoriche assortment(?)?